The last time conditions in Urmston were this good for skiers was during The Big Freeze of 2010. Read on to find out how the relay developed and how one man skied the equivalent distance from Victoria Parade to Gretna Green in less than 22 hours. If this report is too long for you then try doing 20 minutes on the ski!
On the morning of Friday 28th July, Team JW Fitness met at Kin for a breakfast of champions. John, wishing to save his energy, agreed to pay for breakfast but gruffly announced ‘I’m not ordering it for you as well.' So this is how it’s going to be, wondered Anthony and swiftly sent Katharine to the counter to order his poached eggs on toast.
After consuming sufficient calories for the challenge that awaited, they returned to the gym to begin setting up for the midday start. Balloons were inflated, dogs were adorned with bandanas, jam sandwiches were prepared and within the blink of an eye it was time to get Graham in to snap the ‘before’ photographs and they were off.
As the clock ticked over to 12 o'clock on the dot, John started his long workout on the SkiErg only to be consulted immediately about the lack of visible display on the new ski machine. This led to a slight delay in the relay but Rachel was soon whizzing down the snow-covered slopes of Atkinson Road.
Anthony took up the mantle at 12:20 for the first of 24 such exchanges. Our first guest skier was our in-house photographer and deadlift enthusiast, Graham B. He certainly powered through in his 20 minutes but John was already just a dot in the distance, having covered over 11,000m in his first hour.
Fast forward another hour and the gym was filling up with spectators and raffle enthusiasts. Sam was next up for torture and managed to keep a big smile on her face throughout her time on the SkiErg.
Danny arrived in good time for his 14:40 slot. His technique was flawless as he applied long arm strokes to increase efficiency thus allowing him to schuss down the slope at incredible speed.
By 15:40 Becki’s family had arrived. Becki is John’s long suffering other half, she would arrive later in the afternoon to look after Lulu and Todd. Lorraine (Becki’s mum) was next up on the ski. At this point, most of the spectators were enjoying afternoon tea whilst Mel, Laurence and Harriet arrived to introduce the gorgeous baby Freyja.
Rachel, Anthony and the relay team were now in the powder as they trailed John by 1,500m. This may have been partly due to Anthony entertaining his beautiful baby niece rather than concentrating on his turns. The arrival of Sue saw another problem developing - the cake mountain. Being an experienced skier, Sue was keen to share her knowledge of parallel turns but not so keen to attack the cake pile that she had helped create.
Just when we thought we were on the Traffordian glaciers of the Northern Hemisphere, Jo (also a contributor to Mount Cakermanjaro) whisked us away to Antarctica by masquerading as Pingu for twenty minutes. Must have been hot work in that suit!
By 17:40, John had such a massive lead on the relay team that some were suggesting that he’d taken the chairlift. What the relay team needed was some legs that had seen these sorts of distances before. Sixth Element Graham rolled in sporting his AFC Wimbledon shirt and asking Katharine to instagram the moment with as many Wombles hashtags as possible. Note: they still haven’t shared it.
Hugh took over from Rachel and Anthony’s 6th stint on the Erg. John and Hugh were fans of the synchronised freestyling method of skiing and produced some impressive video footage for the Insta stories. We then had the arrival of Becki (John’s partner) who gave John a boost as he moved into his 7th hour of skiing. Simon, an experienced mountain bike racer, made light work of the moguls when he boarded the poma lift for his ski slot at 19:40. Thankfully he wore the correct safety headgear.
By 20:00, it was time for some food so Katharine was sent on a mission to find a local pizzeria that would make a protein-rich pizza. This was perfectly timed as it allowed her to pass her ski duties on to Jenn who was visiting from the neighbouring resort of Les Portes du Stockport. The pizza seemed to give John extra muscle power thus leaving the relay team over 2,000m behind him, desperately searching for their lift passes.
Most sensible people would now be in the pub and Jacqui wasn’t far behind them. However, first there was the small matter of clipping into her bindings whilst wearing ‘going out’ shoes. Not wanting to get too sweaty before heading off to Kelder for a couple, she used bribery and corruption to outsource 10 minutes of her 20 minute ski to Rob S. He seemed happy to take over so it was a win all round. Rachel, Anthony and John were treated to a sports massage from Lucy at Impact Sports Nutrition and were all the better for it.
By 22:00 hours both skis had clocked up more than 100,000m each. It was dark outside and the shadow cast by cake mountain was gloomy. Katharine dodged another spot on the ski and was subbed by sisters CC and Jayah. They vigorously carved up the snow leaving bumpy conditions for our next skier, Julija. It must have been getting cold out as Julija brought hot drinks and donned her MUFC hat and scarf. She tore through the terrain so fast that someone suggested she'd taken the Metrolink.
As night set in, beds were fashioned from anything that could be scavenged from the gym. Rachel set her hourly alarm and Anthony snuggled up next to the kettlebells. We had broken the £4,000 fundraising mark and were beginning to wonder whether we could end this thing early. Ski pals Ciaran and Aidan to the rescue. Coffee and banter had arrived and we were eager to continue as they took their turn on the ski. By 2:40 on Saturday morning, Graham S was back having arrived on the latest carbon framed skimobile.
The early hours were the toughest. Most sensible people were asleep. Katharine was snuggled up in her sleeping bag, donations stalled, the risk of an avalanche on cake mountain was at its highest and the skiers were all tuned into The (American) Office. Rob S had left and Queen Bev of Kelder had made her way home on a snow plough. Only the hardy spectators remained (Coffee (Aidan), Bants (Ciaran) and CC(Legend)). It was a tough few hours broken only by Rachel asking everyone to name their favourite dinosaur.
Matt L arrived shortly before dawn and raised John’s spirits. This was the graveyard shift and the ski zombies were out. Eyelids were drooping, triceps were burning and John was down on one knee as if proposing to the SkiErg. Dawn brought Roy and Karen straight from their house party. Karen said they had booted out their guests, had a quick nap and got an Uber to the resort (I guess the Uber driver was called Dawn (I’ll get my coat)).
By the time Rob O arrived like the paparazzi at a celebrity wedding we had raised £4,335 but the athletes were clearly struggling. John had given up trying to beat Anthony’s team (I mean team relay) and was focussed on the magic 200km. Despite rumours of traffic jams and red lights throughout the streets of Urmston (people leaving to find an open Weatherspoon's I heard), Alex arrived in good time to start the 7am shift. A fresh snowfall overnight meant conditions were excellent by the time the PM Heli skied in (checks notes - it was Paul M).
By 9:00am Rachel had given up setting her alarm for a nana nap and was enjoying another treatment from Impact Sports Rehabilitation. Adam had returned for moral support (he's a keeper). The end was in sight and the gym was starting to fill up as spectators ascended the magic carpet and piled in. Next up was Nick and then his partner Lilli, who said she was more fond of the nursery slopes (this being her first time on a SkiErg).
Excitement built at around 9:40am as John reached the finish line. Those jam sandwiches really did the trick in the last few hundred metres as his arms were going faster than a toupee in a hurricane. Once the cheering was over and Lulu had smothered John in kisses (or was it the other way round?), the focus was back on the cake stash, sorry the relay team. Nathan, the final guest skier, managed to have a few digs at Anthony before racing down the red run. Anthony took over for the final 40 minutes and was joined, on John’s SkiErg, by Graham B.
The end was all about the Après Ski. The spectators cheered, the dogs barked, the skiers threw themselves into the sauna, the cake stack collapsed and John welled up with pride. Nearly £7,000 was raised in Jude’s memory, 101 raffle prizes were donated and won (sorry about the compere) and 28 amazing people, travelling 436,823m, took a turn on the ski. 150 metric tonnes of cake were eaten and three pens and a ball were chewed to pieces by Lulu. What a day!*
Thank you to each and everyone of you for your donations of cake and cash, for your support, for taking a turn on the ski, for promoting the event and for helping clear up after the event.
A special thanks to Jude's amazing family, the Be More Jude Charity and The Bone Cancer Research Trust for all your support and for providing the inspiration to put on this event.
*You might think that this report is fabricated and full of half truths. But if you were there, even for 20 minutes, you will remember it for a long time and you will concur that this is exactly how it happened - it was magical.
Please send your photos from the day to info@johnwarburtonfitness.co.uk and they will be added to the gallery below.
Report by Katharine L
Photos: Rob O, Graham B, Becki D and Katharine L
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